As ms scott peck puts it and we all know it
“Life is difficult”
So, why do we want our feelings to be perfect? In our social media-driven, image-obsessed country, everyone still seems content and hopeful. We’re afraid to encounter unpleasant feelings.
Good feelings are worth nurturing, but becoming ever-upbeat has its own dangers. We ought to accept all our feelings, not just positive ones. Analysis indicates that rage and depression are important to our emotional wellbeing.
Bad feelings will carry us to our depth, linking us to our deeper self.
“It’s time that the ego bubble opens up and you can’t bring the land down for a long time. These days, when you can’t pull it together, are the richest and most strong moments of our lives.
— Chödrön Pema
A balanced life is not one without suffering — it needs balancing the bad and the good between us.
What’s wrong with humans?
You’re all feelings, not just optimistic. Unfortunately, most can’t combine them. A focus on weakness focuses on what’s wrong.
Contrasting our emotional existence. Without grief, goodwill without resentment, and bravery without terror. Negative and optimistic feelings are two types.
Psychology focused at fixing what was wrong with individuals
Historically, psychology concentrated on when. It confronted people with a cynical view — patients needed treatment. Suffering was not treated as something human, rather instead an exception.
As Martin Seligman said, “Psychology has been a therapeutic discipline since World War II. It works on restoring harm inside a human-functioning disease model. This almost exclusive pathology focus neglects the satisfied client and flourishing society.
Positive Psychology ‘s growth moved emphasis from one extreme to another — happiness is the fresh, holy grail.
This excessive emphasis on the positive created another one-sided narrative: “negativity about negativity.” People developed misunderstandings about how to deal with weaknesses.
Some say removing harmful thoughts helps one more optimistic. Others, we’ll automatically survive by repairing what’s wrong in us. But ignoring our rage, terror, and sorrow won’t offer harmony, trust, and joy.
Seligman, one of the most prominent motivational psychology, urged his peers to extend their scope — to shift to individual flourishing outside pathology. Rather than concentrate about what’s wrong about people — and fix it — reflect about what’s good and improve their abilities.
As Barbara Fredrickson’s study indicates, it’s not just suppressing harmful feelings, rather finding the correct mix of good and harmful. The counsellor proposes 3-1 percentages. Although several experts asked whether that’s the right balance, it’s about creating a balanced partnership with each.
Negative thinking is healthy for you
Our culture has stigmatised weak emotions — you’re supposed to be fine all the time. That causes needless stress and pain. People in distress feel alone ought to withdraw. They know they’re mistaken about something — they sound like an outcast.
You needn’t be guilty because you encounter unpleasant feelings or feelings. We’re everything. Really, it’s safe.
Suppressing your feelings is like pushing a toothpaste tube with its cap on — the harder you want to muzzle them, the more they search for a way out.
How best to control your emotions?
Hint: neither suppression nor full disclosure
Poor feelings are normal. It’s not easy to recognise their important function. We need a positive friendship with them. One thing is still ruminating tragic incidents and we can’t let go. Another meets our feelings. Listening, understanding, and learning from them is at the heart of personal growth.
Bad feelings will affect positively. Ignoring or ignoring this evidence can have unwanted consequences on emotional wellbeing and well-being.
As psychotherapist Tori Rodriguez states, “Unpleasant emotions are almost as important to helping you make sense of ups and downs of life. Without the negative, we can’t measure our perceptions, or feel real happiness.
Emotions are data that will warn your actions before you respond.
Rodriguez mentions several reports that outline the beneficial effects of destructive thinking and feelings. She emphasises three main advantages.
Next, blocking our emotions implies we can not properly interpret our perceptions. If we can’t benefit from the falls, we can’t experience the peaks.
Second, unpleasant feelings are alarm lights — they alert us of possible challenges or threat. They illustrate what we need to improve or overcome.
Finally, manipulating feelings will affect our body and trigger stress.
“What splits our heart still binds us.”
— Starr Mirabai
Bad feelings may help shift fundamental attitude. As Richard Lazarus, a distinguished scholar and emotion specialist states, “Serious personality adjustment can involve stress, personal tragedy, or theological conversion for stable adults.”
Weak feelings will bring us in contact with our deeper selves.
They will promote learning, self-understanding, and insight. Envy will encourage you to work harder. A research finds benevolent jealousy driving students to do well in college. If anyone else accomplishes a task you’d like to pursue, it will boost your drive.
Some researchers agree that positioning both feelings in two boxes — positive and negative — is not appropriate. Hope, for example, may be hopeful, but also fear. We must understand, not evaluate, to reconcile all our emotions.
You needn’t cover yourself
Pain is unavoidable, but not always misery.
That’s one of life’s biggest paradoxes — the more we’re trying to get away from misery, the more we struggle.
We exist in a fear-driven society — we are scared of wrong things.
That’s Barry Glassner ‘s book The Community of Terror. As the sociology professor states, numerous fears influence our culture, most of them entirely baseless.
As Glassner describes: “Using poignant memories instead of empirical data, christening individual events as phenomena, representing whole groups of individuals as innately risky.”
A society guided by terror views pessimistic feelings as enemies — we sense the need to defend ourselves from threats. But that’s meaningless.
As Pema Chödrön, author of When Stuff Break Appart, states, “We believe we’re kind to ourselves by shielding ourselves from pain. The reality is we become more afraid, hardened, and isolated.
Separating our feelings will separate us, building our own gaol and reducing our ability. Instead of flourishing, we feel alienated from ourselves. We’re scared to face the feelings we shouldn’t feel.
As Chödrön states, “If we mainly attempt to protect ourselves from pain, we endure. Yet when we don’t near, when we let our hearts crack, we find our kinship with all being.
Suffering isn’t good, but when our heart breaks, we get present and awake.
Share yourself with others
Expressing positive emotions seems more natural; socially accepted. Telling our unpleasant feelings allows our core to open — we must accept our weakness.
Fearless isn’t fearlessness. It’s about being confident enough to face our fear — we turn our adversary into an ally.
“True fearlessness causes tenderness. Letting the universe tickle your spirit, your real and precious core. You will raise, without hesitation or shyness, and meet the universe. You’re ready to open your heart with someone.
Joy and sorrow are two sides of the same coin. Incorporating both produces a virtuous circle.
As Francis Weller’s grief psychotherapist says, “The mature person’s role is to keep joy in one side and grief in the other, and be spread by them.”
If you use negative feelings as evidence, they will influence your decisions and drive your behaviour.
Guilt will inspire us to do more and settle about what is best for the general good. Research reveals that leaders who appear to feel bad is ranked more sensitive and caring — they paid heed to the interests of others.
Sadness will help one pay attention to details — we become more in tune with ourselves and our setting. Anxiety will boost our problem-solving ability — our body rapidly metabolises a tonne of resources and can be used to avoid risky or stressful conditions. Rage will push us into action — many significant adjustments in life response to an unjust or unwelcome circumstance.
Your best friend is your spirit. Open it up. Negative feelings may trigger misery or become a productive influence. Any emotion is data — learning to use it all.
The Solution to Negative Feelings
The Atlas of Emotions — an immersive chart of our minds