Emotions are central to who we are. As long as we have a conscious, we’ll feel various feelings. We want to love them, but we still struggle. We attempt to control our feelings but typically wind up becoming their slaves. As Oscar Wilde said, “I’m not at the hands of my feelings. I want to use, love and dominate them.
Some people assume that complete transparency will offer us peace — if we spill all our feelings, we’ll be good. Others believe suppression is the way to go. If we don’t give them space, emotions can’t overcome us.
That’s the emotion problem: the harder we strive to manipulate them, the more we don’t handle them effectively.
Releasing all the feelings will backfire — it generates a reinforcement cycle that magnifies unpleasant emotions rather than diminishes. Bottling your feelings makes it worse — you’ll finally blow up.
Do I sit or walk?
If your feelings are out of balance, can you run away? Or meeting them?
Emotions are a warning. Avoiding them requires missing our brain’s meaningful warning. Owning your feelings, though, doesn’t mean having them run free — having out a little steam won’t deter you from bursting.
To explain this, researchers researched the effect of controlling emotions. Participants had to compose an article about a particular subject which would be judged by one of their peers. Psychologists also gave the feedback — everyone was told their article was “one of the worst I’ve ever read.”
Both participants were frustrated and angry.
Half people were then challenged to strike a two-minute punching bag to unleash their frustration. After other events requiring anger control, people who hit the punching bag became more violent than those who didn’t.
As I wrote, destructive emotions feed more destructive emotions.
We assume we would be less hostile if we can blow out some steam. The reality is we eventually establish a link between rage and aggression — we let our feelings dictate how we behave.
However, emotional repression will affect our mental and physical well-being.
A survey asked participants to view and debate a World War II video on detonating two nuclear bombs over Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Japan.
Any participants were required to cover their feelings after seeing the documentary. Compared to those who didn’t, those who concealed their feelings suffered blood pressure and diversion spikes. People feel less relationship and less optimistic about those who bottled their emotions.
This research reveals that by “masking” our inner emotions, we are unable to restore our depressive moods. Suppressing our emotions damages our memory and increases stress.
Emotional control doesn’t imply how we feel — it doesn’t let our feelings determine our actions.
Emotional control is cultural
“Human action has three primary sources: appetite, feelings, and intelligence.”
Community influences how we handle our emotions — it’s rooted in how our parents taught us.
Silje Marie Haga’s study reveals that Americans appreciate voicing their optimistic feelings outwardly, but prefer to hide their negative ones. Cultural ideals of self pride and achievement cultivate the positive side. Additionally, the effects of manipulating one ‘s desires are evidently confused or detached.
Yuri Miyamoto ‘s study shows that cultural distinctions are central to how we control our emotions. Parents educate their children according to unique cultural standards.
American mothers, for example, want their children effective while Chinese mothers value discipline.
An intervention on test results among kids found that American mothers depend on supplying their kids with constructive feedback—”You’re too smart! ”. In the other side, Chinese mothers offer input in logical aspects—”Did you grasp the questions? Or you inferred the answers? Some societies upregulate emotions; others downregulate.
Many Asian societies stress fitting in — the feelings we display can encourage harmonious interdependence with others.
In comparison, American culture embraces individuals feeling special — it celebrates individuality and communicates one ‘s uniqueness.
Among Americans, emotional speech is synonymous with honesty — silencing feelings within is deemed insincere.
In Japanese culture, however, emotions represent partnerships, not only internal states. Thus, unlike American culture, emotional speech is sometimes discouraged — emotional restraint makes Japanese better suit the group ‘s emotions. Another socioeconomic dimension explains why we upregulate emotions: socioeconomic disparity.
Helicopter parenting growth is motivated not by the desire for power, but by economic concerns.
Parents fear that children will have less chances to excel — they try to do something to make their children thrive. The author describes how Americans face pressure to support their children thrive in a ‘unfair world’ by promoting good work and managing feelings.
On the other side, Swedes seem to be more patient and allow their children more moral independence since they reside in an fair environment. Form of emotional control
“Sex is often subjective.
Healthy sex is open feelings, weak sex is suppressed feelings. • Deep Chopra
Our normal emotional condition will forecast long-term wellbeing and lifespan.
Upregulating optimistic feelings and negative factors is not the best method to handle feelings.
Any individuals prefer instead to down-regulate optimistic thoughts. Study “Snatching loss from triumph jaws” shows how individuals with poor self-esteem get nervous after feeling good feelings and dampen their optimistic emotions — they concentrate more on the negative consequences of performance.
At some extent, under some circumstances, we can all down-regulate positive emotions.
For eg, when interacting with an outsider or awkward social circumstances. But that’s only an adjustment, unlike humans, low self-esteem can down-regulate regardless of background. There are three main emotional control forms.
Emotional suppression means we’re still experiencing emotion, but inhibiting its behavioural expressions.
It creates an asymmetry between feeling and seeing. Suppression, as mentioned before, produces illusion.
It helps one feel less optimistic and more depressive emotions — suppression reduces life satisfaction and self-esteem. Emotional recognition is perceiving our feelings — recognition, identifying and acknowledgement of our thoughts, thus choosing not to do anything about it.
Without battling or questioning our emotions. Accepting our thoughts, not walking down, is one of the central strategies of mindfulness. 21 Easy activities to boost the concentration
Start someplace. Liberationist.org site.
In nature, mental reappraisal is cognitive — it includes how you learn of your emotional state and may reframe it.
Since you may turn the whole feeling, it is generally correlated with lower stress and better well-being. This approach includes shifting an emotional response ‘s trajectory — we reinterpret the sense.
Cognitive Reappraisal Capacity
“A man is the result of his thoughts; he becomes what he believes.
— Gandhi Mahatma Confronting and making sense of our feelings allows us possible to discuss what causes our emotional response and prevent mindless reactions.
Cognitive re-evaluation means understanding the destructive trend your emotions make.
You reframe the course by making sense of it, dialling back the feelings a few notches.
Until you get an automatic emotional reaction, logical re-evaluation lets assess the problem more neutrally. You take a split second away and observe stuff.
What was once an agitated, careless pilot, became a rushed man trying to get to work on time. Many findings indicate that prefrontal reappraisal is useful for individuals with disease-related tension and depression. HIV patients had improved results — cognitive reappraisal made them reinterpret a stressful scenario more optimistic.
Multiple sclerosis patients reported a common outcome — stress and distress were also alleviated by constructive assessment procedure.
Cognitive re-evaluation is also a successful strategy for daily activities. In the midst of vigorous physical exercise, exhaustion and discomfort may become unbearable.
Something other is a traditional solution.
We tend to stop feelings. However, avoidance — like suppression — can last too long. Cognitive reappraisal is mentally more successful. A paper in Inspiration and Emotion indicates that instead of dismissing feelings that could boycott exercise, you should analyse them as though you were a running scientist or a photographer recording the encounter.
Embrace thoughts without questioning them — observe the thoughts dispassionately.
The article mentions a U.S. Army analysis in which people had fewer physical exertion and more optimistic feelings while advised to use emotional re-evaluation relative to others who got no instruction about how to cope with fatigue. The switch of your period
Imagine a career interview fell.
You may respond emotionally, blame yourself or focus on what happened.
Revisiting your emotional reaction will help you make sense of the encounter, rather than trapped in a
Cognitive re-evaluation requires two steps: Recognition of your negative response — focus of what you believe, so mark your feeling. For example: “I’m getting upset” or “I ‘m nervous.” Reinterpretation of the situation — re-evaluate the view of what occurred, either reducing the intensity of the unpleasant reaction or creating a more optimistic one.
Practicing re-evaluation involves analyzing a scenario from a distance — starting by evaluating previous circumstances. When you get used to it, it’s better to workout in the heat of the moment.
Using these queries as a reference.
What changed and how do you feel? Why? Why?
Are or are there any good consequences arising from this situation?
Try to be calm; what’s out of your control? Who’s under your control? What would you do to alleviate condition stress?
Work to be more positive; how do you adjust your mindset about the situation?
What’s thankful for this situation?
How are you better off than before you started?
What have you benefited from this experience?
Emotions play a critical function in our lives. We can’t dismiss or suppress them, but we can’t allow them take control. Emotional control is not about hiding feelings, but instead having to face and appreciate.
Cognitive reappraisal is the process of reframing our emotions — we make sense of them and give them fuel for change. Practicing demonstrates, improves and changes our actions when confronting our feelings. We don’t run away from them intentionally.